Mah nothing special (credited to HodariNundu)

Mah nothing special.

Self Reflection

Today's a pretty ordinary Sunday, but I'd probably be deceiving myself. It's been a year since I've been in hospitalization for an already exploded appendix while in Italy for vacation. I remember the pain and suffering I've had to endure from violent vomiting to having tubes embedded within my body. I still have the vertical scar on my abdomen and a few ones on my belly sides that used to be stapled. After that incident, I've never been the same again and I learned that life can be brutal and without any second, your life can be taken away. Reality doesn't give a crap about who you are and what accomplishments you've made in the past, but it's something you need to live by and accept. I've put aside childish and delusional distractions behind my back and embraced rationale and who I've become. It might sound cold and nihilist, but it's efficient and works for me. There are nights I wonder what would have happened if I would have died in that hospital and never return to the states. I wouldn't have to wake up to the news, learning that a sick psychopath massacred a crowd of innocent children or a religious fanatic blew up a bomb at civilians at what was supposed to be a peaceful marathon. No more of the stupidity of the human race and their self-centered and destructive affairs. Just complete inner peace. But then I wouldn't have gotten through my first college year alone and made to the Dean's List and receive a scholarship. I wouldn't have met a few colleagues who would become special friends to me. I wouldn't have learned the very definition of critical thinking and become a rational skeptic in training in subjects from science to history. I wouldn't have been offered a professional paleontologist to be my academic advisor and help me work towards my career goal. Overall I would have missed out on all of the fun that life, manifested in its bright side would offer me a chance to make my life filled with meaning and purpose. But I will also be looking forward to my darkest hours in the future alone and unlike what happened a year ago, I'll be prepared to confront them all and win. This a message from a strong ronin as always.

It's Been a Wild Year (Happy Birthday to Me)

All I have to say for my 19th birthday is that it's been a wild year for me. Believe me alot of bad stuff has happened to me from scrapping my elbow from that bike ride to having my appendix explode right inside of me abroad in Italy in a trip that was supposed to be a month but lasted for an additional four weeks. I will tell you this: I am no longer the same Alex as I was in high school. That old Alex died in that hospital and a new one has took its place. I call it some reincarnation of the soul. I will move on with my college life and probably forget all of my old school classmates' names, turned to dust. I have few reasons to be happy with the future. To be blunt our own species has fucked it all up from carbon emissions to habitat destruction. We were given so many chances to change our ways and live with nature and especially each other in peace, but we blew them all. Soon there will be consequences to pay once it's too late. From the planet's viewpoint if it could speak, it would be better off if the whole human race would have gone extinct than be permitted to survive. After all, we are part of creation and we will in less of a million years, die out from the face of the earth, joining the denizens of the past (dinosaurs, mammoths, dodos etc). I see no end in sight of the bickering in Washington and media misinformation that poisons its citizens' minds and spreads its ignorance. These crimes to humanity and creation I have observed above are something I cannot forgive or tolerate. I also see no solution in being a "eco-obsessed hippie" who wants to worship God as some nature deity in hopes of protecting us from global warming. Nature is not a pleasant force. It can destroy people's lives and sweep away hopes and dreams. It doesn't care whether you're good or bad because no matter what you believe in, in the end you will die and your flesh will be decomposed for the maggots and your bones that contains the small amount of stardust from the beginning of time will all turn to dust. What I'm saying is not an anti-religious statement, but I'm saying it's the way of the world as it's been in the Story of Deep Time and Evolution for billions of years. To be blunt, I'm saying it's reality. What I'm saying is human life is fragile and we must make the best of it, making differences big and small in our lives. Though I have experienced alot of negativity, there is still this small feeling that drives me to help save this planet: hope. It doesn't come in divine miracles or a charismatic figure standing high above sheer crowds. It comes from our hearts and the motivation to do what is right even if the circumstances are against us. Science, as I'm immersed in, can help us unravel knowledge that will someday free us from this bottleneck that Earth has been stuck in. However humans are not the ultimate being. We are just a recent newcomer which so far has lasted for 1 million years in the 4.6 billion year old geological timeline. Dinosaurs have reigned 160 million years in the Mesozoic Era pretty impressive eh? But hey that doesn't degrade our intelligence and our ability to learn from our world which after all makes us human. We are given this unique evolutionary attribute to help us live in this amazing planet and to solve our physical and social problems. It's time we've used this more by changing our government, its people, and someday the world. If I just wrote this article to mention only the pains of this year, then my review would be fruitless. 2012 was the year I reunited with some old friendships and made new ones that I'll hold in the future. It was also the year I graduated so it was very big for me and I had to say I'm proud of myself. It was also the year I met three paleontologists with the last one becoming my college advisor who I am proud to whom I've met. These experiences will help me advance my career into opening new chapters into the story of life on Earth. I thank my family for being besides me even by the hospital bed when I was vomiting bile and puke and having my stitches removed. You mean so much to me. A long time ago as a little infant, I had a dark sickness that kept me from communicating with the world and then with the help of my parents and this great woman (I still talk to) who gave me hope, I became a learner. However the same can't be said for others who still have this sickness so I might as well count myself as one of the lucky ones but that doesn't make me a god. I will live and do the best I can for humanity in science and from my own self. I will stand and fight for those who have no voice or have been suppressed by the curtain of ignorance and fear even if my body burns. But I will also live my life and dreams and go through its hardships and pleasures, knowing that in the end, all I did will not be in vain. My words will be an inspiration, not used as propaganda to serve one's politicial means or be diminished as a legend or even a myth, but for my children, their children, and the future who struggle to survive in a changing world. Well I better get off soon I have a birthday to celebrate. My name is Sasha and I am a ronin.