Self Reflection

Today's a pretty ordinary Sunday, but I'd probably be deceiving myself. It's been a year since I've been in hospitalization for an already exploded appendix while in Italy for vacation. I remember the pain and suffering I've had to endure from violent vomiting to having tubes embedded within my body. I still have the vertical scar on my abdomen and a few ones on my belly sides that used to be stapled. After that incident, I've never been the same again and I learned that life can be brutal and without any second, your life can be taken away. Reality doesn't give a crap about who you are and what accomplishments you've made in the past, but it's something you need to live by and accept. I've put aside childish and delusional distractions behind my back and embraced rationale and who I've become. It might sound cold and nihilist, but it's efficient and works for me. There are nights I wonder what would have happened if I would have died in that hospital and never return to the states. I wouldn't have to wake up to the news, learning that a sick psychopath massacred a crowd of innocent children or a religious fanatic blew up a bomb at civilians at what was supposed to be a peaceful marathon. No more of the stupidity of the human race and their self-centered and destructive affairs. Just complete inner peace. But then I wouldn't have gotten through my first college year alone and made to the Dean's List and receive a scholarship. I wouldn't have met a few colleagues who would become special friends to me. I wouldn't have learned the very definition of critical thinking and become a rational skeptic in training in subjects from science to history. I wouldn't have been offered a professional paleontologist to be my academic advisor and help me work towards my career goal. Overall I would have missed out on all of the fun that life, manifested in its bright side would offer me a chance to make my life filled with meaning and purpose. But I will also be looking forward to my darkest hours in the future alone and unlike what happened a year ago, I'll be prepared to confront them all and win. This a message from a strong ronin as always.